i miss you a lot today. i really wish you were here to help me sort all this junk out. you listen so well. i love that about you. i like how you don't try to fix all my problems, but you just listen and hug me after to let me know you're there for me. that's what means the most. i love hugging you. i love walking with you. i love walking with you and holding your hand. i love how it isn't a huge gesture, but it lets people know i'm yours. i like that i'm yours. i like that i finally am able to say that. i wish you could tell her that. i know you don't want to tell her because you don't want to hurt her feelings, but it bothers me. it's like you're ashamed of me. and i know that's not the case. i know that's not the case. but i want it to be like the song "i'll take you into town and i'll show you off ". and you do so i know this whole section is my emotions talking. i just don't want to be another girl. i can't be another girl. i'm different. i want you to wake up and say to yourself "i'm a better person because of her". i want us to be good for each other. i want to do this right. you are so special to me. you just showed up and boom. rocked my world. you make me think and you challenge me and you are so exciting to be around. you're charming and adorable. you're smart and you don't show it off. my family loves you. my girls love you. that's so important to me. my girls are my life. they are the reason i don't do and do a lot of things. it's almost sad. before i do something i'm like "if my girls found out about this, would they be disappointed?". it's a good check for me. and let me just say they are not disappointed about us. i think they just like the stories. either way i'm so glad they like you. you probably put them under your charm. i can't say anything though. i'm a victim. like the kate nash song "caroline ca-ca-ca-caroline ... is a victim". i love kate nash. she's like a brit version of ingrid. i love ing. i love the morning lullabies song. you know that though. i want to be able to sing lullabies to you. it's just going to take time for me. it's something that is just so deep. something that gets to my soul. so many loaded memories come with lullabies. some i can't face yet. i'm getting there. i'm growing. i'm growing into someone i'm proud of. i know i get confused, but i know who i am and what i stand for. i'm so proud of that. unlike most college kids. i don't know what i'm doing with my life, but i know who i am. hah. weird. i think i should just be a gypsy forever. travel the world. make love bracelets. sell them to people and live on ramen, cereal and hot dogs. not boiled hot dogs though. that protein that gets unlocked when you boil it is no good. trust me. i don't know how i went from i miss you to don't eat boil hot dogs. anyways. i miss you. again.